If you told me 6 months ago that in November I would still
be unemployed, still be living with my parents, have only one friend (locally),
have only lost 20 pounds, and have applied to 13 jobs only to be rejected on 5
of them or worse never get an answer, I wouldn’t of believed you. 6 months ago
I had everything planned out. I was going to come home for the summer, lose a
bunch of weight, travel to Europe, and go somewhere tropical. Then I was going
to apply to a hospital in North Dakota and get a job and move there in
September/October, where I would live with one of my best friends and probably
freeze my butt off but at least I would be using my nursing skills, getting
experience and would have friends. And that all probably would of happened if I
had decided to move to Bismarck. However I got greedy, my dad bribed promised me if I found a job anywhere in California, he would at put a
decent down payment on a house, which in California is a big deal because
housing is overly expensive. So I agreed to get my license in California and
naturally that took a long time, causing me to not be able to go to Europe
during the summer and since I was traveling with my mom and she will can only
travel business class to Europe it was too expensive. Then my Dad had some
changes at work and couldn’t go anywhere tropical. I took my NCLEX in September
and have taken ACLS and PALS classes to become a “better” job candidate. I have
applied to 13 jobs and gotten no where. I told myself if I didn’t find a job by
January, I would start applying in other states so I didn’t feel like I was
settling.
Today one of my very wise friends posted on facebook saying
4 years ago she had this plan for her life, while now nothing is how she
planned but it’s so much better and how she was thankful for God’s timing. This
post really hit home naturally, because I’m a planner and in a moment where
nothing is going as planned and I can’t see the great parts yet. Waiting for
God’s timing is one of my biggest battles, maybe its because I’m in the
generation now where everything needs to be instantaneous, or it might be
because I have trust issues and waiting on God’s timing is having complete
faith in his plan which leaves me a little scared as I’m not in control. But
the thing is I shouldn’t be scared and shouldn’t have a problem giving God my
complete faith, because however things work out is exactly how they are
supposed be. God isn’t going to give you something if he doesn’t think you can
handle it and his plans are much greater than any plan we can come up with, and
unlike people on earth he isn’t going to hurt you nor do anything to break your
trust.
I started this post feeling in despair because nothing is
going the way I want it to, I am met daily by frustrations, feeling “homesick”
in a way of missing my friends, and somewhat depressed by the fact I can’t find
a job. In the end I feel more content and maybe a smidge hopeful partially
because I vented. Here’s the thing though all great things take time to become
amazing and Rome wasn’t built in a day. So I’m just going to have to learn to
be faithful and patient and hopefully greatness will come to me soon.
