Don't Plan, Wait on God's Timing

If you told me 6 months ago that in November I would still be unemployed, still be living with my parents, have only one friend (locally), have only lost 20 pounds, and have applied to 13 jobs only to be rejected on 5 of them or worse never get an answer, I wouldn’t of believed you. 6 months ago I had everything planned out. I was going to come home for the summer, lose a bunch of weight, travel to Europe, and go somewhere tropical. Then I was going to apply to a hospital in North Dakota and get a job and move there in September/October, where I would live with one of my best friends and probably freeze my butt off but at least I would be using my nursing skills, getting experience and would have friends. And that all probably would of happened if I had decided to move to Bismarck. However I got greedy, my dad bribed promised me if I found a job anywhere in California, he would at put a decent down payment on a house, which in California is a big deal because housing is overly expensive. So I agreed to get my license in California and naturally that took a long time, causing me to not be able to go to Europe during the summer and since I was traveling with my mom and she will can only travel business class to Europe it was too expensive. Then my Dad had some changes at work and couldn’t go anywhere tropical. I took my NCLEX in September and have taken ACLS and PALS classes to become a “better” job candidate. I have applied to 13 jobs and gotten no where. I told myself if I didn’t find a job by January, I would start applying in other states so I didn’t feel like I was settling.

Today one of my very wise friends posted on facebook saying 4 years ago she had this plan for her life, while now nothing is how she planned but it’s so much better and how she was thankful for God’s timing. This post really hit home naturally, because I’m a planner and in a moment where nothing is going as planned and I can’t see the great parts yet. Waiting for God’s timing is one of my biggest battles, maybe its because I’m in the generation now where everything needs to be instantaneous, or it might be because I have trust issues and waiting on God’s timing is having complete faith in his plan which leaves me a little scared as I’m not in control. But the thing is I shouldn’t be scared and shouldn’t have a problem giving God my complete faith, because however things work out is exactly how they are supposed be. God isn’t going to give you something if he doesn’t think you can handle it and his plans are much greater than any plan we can come up with, and unlike people on earth he isn’t going to hurt you nor do anything to break your trust.

I started this post feeling in despair because nothing is going the way I want it to, I am met daily by frustrations, feeling “homesick” in a way of missing my friends, and somewhat depressed by the fact I can’t find a job. In the end I feel more content and maybe a smidge hopeful partially because I vented. Here’s the thing though all great things take time to become amazing and Rome wasn’t built in a day. So I’m just going to have to learn to be faithful and patient and hopefully greatness will come to me soon. 

NCLEX news and some study tips!

So I haven’t posted in a while, but I have really good news. I passed my NCLEX and am officially a registered nurse. Some people gave me some really good advice and others asked me for some tips to pass it so I figured I would make a post out of it. Sorry in advance this is definitely a long post!

NCLEX study tips

• ·      Try and schedule your test at the part of the day you function best. For me this was a 2pm test 3 weeks out after getting my ATT, rather than waiting another week and taking it at 8 am (requiring me to get up at 5 in the morning). However, considering I am not a morning person at all the afternoon test was the best testing time. Another area of scheduling is to schedule your test the right amount out that you have time to study. I was initially concerned 3 weeks wouldn’t be enough time to study and it definitely was a couple weeks of intense studying but I think if I had done it later I would have gotten bored and procrastinated.
• ·      Make a playlist. Studying is boring and no fun. You would rather be at the beach or crafting, hanging out your friends or eating a sleeve of oreos and watching Netflix. But you will have to study so make a playlist. Make one that motivates you, that drives you, but one that isn’t so loud you can't focus. Maybe Classical music helps you stay focused and stimulate your brain, maybe it’s rap so you can make catchy raps to memorize lab values. For me it was mostly Radical Something songs, because every day before clinicals for all my blocks I listened to them and they calmed me down. Seriously ask the people I carpooled with, I didn’t care that I had to drive clinical mornings, I just had to put Radical Something on. But if you are one of the unfortunate people that can’t focus unless it’s 100% quiet, I’m sorry, but really you have an advantage at the actual test. 6 hours of silence is painful.
• ·      Make your drug cards in Nursing school and hold onto them. Actually just own the information the first time. But if you didn’t it’s okay. Just learn them now. You have to know Lithium levels, Digoxin levels, and Insulin peaks, durations, onsets, etc.
• ·      Make a plan. Don't just go with oh I’ll study this week some time. Actually schedule from this time to this time I’m going to do 50 questions. And find a way to be accountable. Cramming for NCLEX does not work.
• ·      Start in your weak areas. Spend more time on these areas. If you’re really strong in one area chances are you will still be strong in that area after you own the new information.
• ·      You will probably have a freak out moment. Or two. Or several. There will come a moment when you realize your 4 years of undergrad all comes down to this test. All your sleepless nights, all the parties you didn’t go to so you could complete assignments, all the friends you lost because nursing school consumed your social life, the scholarship position you gave up because it took up too much time in comparison to nursing school, the trips you didn’t take up, the Easter you didn’t celebrate because you didn’t want to risk not having enough practicum hours, all the blood, urine, sweat and tears you gave to nursing school, all lead up to this one test. This one test gets to define if you are a nurse or just have a nursing degree. It’s scary, you will flip out, but you also will get over it because this is what you sacrificed everything for. You fought through all the problems, you made all the sacrifices because you are meant to be a nurse.  So yes you will freak out but you will also pass your NCLEX. It may not be on the first try, but you will do it because you can do it, because you believed you could.
• ·      Do a lot of practice questions. Kaplan NCLEX review was required through our school program and the single advice everyone gave me was to do all the questions in the qbank and the question trainers. The more practice you have with NCLEX style questions the better, that way you wont get caught up on question wording.

On Test Day

• ·      Get enough sleep. This may be easier said then done as stress may be getting to the better of you but do the best you can. Use relaxation techniques to help relieve stress to help get enough sleep.

• ·      Don’t try and cram more information before you test. It’s okay to review lab values or look over something you think needs clarification, but don’t stress yourself out trying to fit in a full study session.
• ·      Get to your test center early. There’s nothing worse than adding extra stress to an already stressful process. And it’s very hard to re-center yourself when you’re rushing into the test center.

• ·      Probably the best advice someone gave me was to just really take your time on the first 75 questions. The rationale behind this is if you take your time and get enough questions right you won’t have to do all 265 questions.

• ·      The other advice I was given was to use breaks often or anytime you needed to re-center yourself. This advice didn’t work well for me because once I get in the testing mindset breaks keep me from being able to focus as well.

• ·      Just so you know when your test is over it goes to a black screen, don’t panic.

After your test

• ·      Someone told me to wait until I got home to do the Pearson trick to see if I passed. I couldn’t wait that long so I did it on my phone in the parking lot of the test center.
• ·      If you are not aware of the Pearson Vue Trick, you go back in and try to sign up for another test refilling in all the original information, if you get a pop-up that says sorry our records indicate you’ve already signed up for a test you supposedly passed, if it lets you sign up again you supposedly failed. But if you don’t get the pop-up don't panic, a lot of time people don’t get it and still pass.
• ·      If you’re state participates in the quick results system, do it. The peace of mind of knowing whether or not you passed is worth the $10 or so. If you’re state doesn’t participate like California, You will survive the 3 days to two weeks. Someone told me to wait 3 days before even checking the California website but My results showed up after 2 days so don’t be afraid to check it early.
• ·      Do some form of activity to keep your mind off of your results, for me that was watching a whole season of new girl.

Once you find out your results

·      If you passed, Congratulations! Now go out and celebrate! May the odds be ever in your favor to find a new grad job.

·      If you failed, I’m sorry but take a minutes to relax. Your life is not over, you are still meant to be a nurse. You wouldn’t of gone through 4 years of nursing school and made all the sacrifices if you weren’t meant to be a nurse. Take some time to study and retake it and don’t worry you aren’t the first nurse and you definitely won’t be the last to have not passed on your first try. After all it is the hardest test you will take in your nursing career.

So I hope this helped and if it didn’t I at least hope you enjoyed the memes.

And just because I love memes and I probably would still marry Ryan Lochte besides his intelligence deficiency.

A Day That Will Never Be Forgotten.

12 years ago, I was a fifth grader, only 10 years old. I was just an elementary student who was getting ready for school one morning when we got a phone call from my pop-pop in Pennsylvania. I remember knowing instantly something was wrong because my grandparents never called in the morning and at that moment as I was standing in my bathroom getting ready I thought that my grandmother might have died. It wasn't until several minutes later when my parents turned on the TV that I understood what was really happening. I remember making a joke that someone was mad at the stock exchange (I was a ten year old and one didn't understand it wasn't the same building nor did I understand was terrorism was, I still had that innocence that comes with childhood).  I went to school, our teacher had the radio on all day for updates. We had a fire drill at school and I remember we all were very scared because we didn't know if something was happening on the west coast. I went home and we continued to watch news coverage for weeks after that. I will never forget how sad I was for the people who lost their lives that day, because it is the same sadness I feel today.

When I was in High school, one of our assignments was to ask someone where they we're when they heard JFK had been assassinated. I asked my grandmother and she said she was  cleaning the curtains that day when she heard it on the radio. My mom and her brother were playing in the living room (i think one of them was sick). I know one day my child will ask me where I was when the twin towers fell, because they will never understand why every adult gets sentimental and hold their loved ones a little closer on September 11 every year. It's been said that memories and tied with strong emotions such as fear, love, joy, that is probably true. I was scared that day and sad and that it why i can remember such exact details of what happened that day.

There used to be a commercial, that said on September 11, 2001 a group of people set out to change America as it showed a neighborhood, it then would show whatever it was advertising and at the end it would say they did change America and show the neighborhood covered in Flags. The commercial is what I remember because it showed exactly what happened. We went out and bought flags put them anywhere we could find a place to put them. We came together as a nation to show our nationalism. The nationalism has faded as it often does, but i hope that doesn't stop people from remembering all the people who were lost that day.

As a photographer and traveler, I think I would have like the world trade center and part of me gets mad that I will never get to see those buildings. Then I remember that people lost their lives in those buildings, and feel selfish for being resentful because I didn't get to see them.

 almost 3000 people died as a result of 9/11 and 6700 people have died fighting since then. Close to 100,000 people have died as a result of the terror that occurred that day. I will never be able to thank all the military personnel and their families who have made sacrifices for keeping me safe. I will never be able to tell every single 9/11 survivor or the family of the victims that their friends and family members did not lose their lives in vain. But I can try and take time out of my day at least once a year to pray for them and remember their loved ones and to continue to support our military in any way that I can.

I found this picture on google. I do not own this picture. (came from www.sept11thememorial.com)

Finally an NCLEX date.

I mentioned in my last post, once I figured out what was going on with my authorization to take the NCLEX I would post an update so here it is. The NCLEX is the national council licensure examination, some people call it the boards. Either way it's the test I have to take to become an official nurse. It is the dividing line between saying "i have a bachelor's in nursing" and " i am a nurse."

I called the board this morning to get an update on what was going on an the evaluator told me she had put it in on Thursday which if I was smart and had checked my email over the weekend I would have know. But atlas I can not change the past, but that would have saved a lot of stress and anxiety plus given me a few more study days.

I will be taking my NCLEX on September 17 in the afternoon. Which is just 3 weeks away! I ended up going with this date because it was the only afternoon test appointment available in the next 2 months and anyone who knows me knows how bad I am at mornings, especially ones where I have to wake up earlier than 5. So I am in beast mode for studying.

Before my blog sabbatical, I had posted saying I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics or Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, which I am very much still open to, However I learned that Adult ICU is also a place I thrive. I was able to do my preceptorship in an adult cardiac ICU unit in phoenix and loved it. I definitely know ICU is where I want to end up working, however considering the job search in California for new graduates can take a year and a half especially in southern california where I want to work I will be happy to find any nursing job in a timely manner.

well after studying for several hours I'm off to bed so i can get up and go to the gym and study more tomorrow.

an attempt at revival

I decided to try and revive the blog one last time. I honestly think now that I no longer have to worry about assignments, clinicals, crazy roommates, or any of the other commitments I was tied down to in my last year of college, I should be able to keep up with a blog again. While I considered writing a book about Post Grad life I decided that it probably wouldn't sell any copies or even be published, so why not just talk about it in the blog I already have. 

So a brief catch in what has happened in my life in the past year...

I graduated cum laude (with honors) with my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing degree. I moved back home with my parents where I have no friends to hangout with (well I had an alcoholic/drug addict/ party girl as my friend for a couple weeks but that will be another post). If you read my older posts you would know that I lost 50 pounds two summers ago, I gained 15 pounds back the next school year and then lost it last summer. This last school year I gained all the weight back, however instead of resorting to appetite suppresents and low-carb low-calorie diet I decided to go with a Paleo diet with at least 3 days at the gym each week. That also deserves it own blog post. I am having some issues with my credits transferring to California to get my RN license in CA, which will also probably be a post once I figure out the results this week. 

That pretty much sums up my current life situation, I'm sure I will expand off of those and I have a few rants about a couple things in the back of my head. 

Grad school: To go, or not to go? That is the question!

Grad school has been the topic of discussion for most of this summer with my family. My Dad expects me to become a nurse practitioner. I usually act like that is what I want to do but honestly, I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I know I want to be a nurse I have not wavered from that decisions since I decided that was what I wanted to do my senior year of high school. I always had a pretty good idea that I wanted to do pediatrics but also liked the idea of doing labor and delivery. During my L&D rotation I figured out I only really liked the babies. My favorite clinical days involved the NICU and supporting parents going through rough times. My pediatric rotation was by far my favorite rotation. I remember my first day of clinicals, I was so excited I was like a kid in a candy store. I was assigned to the pediatric intensive care unit my first day. I was a little nervous at first, but as the day progressed I had a moment where I realized this was exactly what I was supposed to do. While I loved all of my pediatric rotations my day in ICU made me realize I have a need for adrenaline and giving parents emotional support. I love working with babies and Pediatric ICU you literally have kids of all ages. I have decided being a NICU nurse is my dream. I know there will be hard days but I also know there will be amazing days where I will know that it is exactly what I'm supposed to do.

But then there's this expectation of becoming a nurse practitioner, which is any where from 2.5 to 5 years of additional schooling. And my dad says it's always better to just get the degree and then I can go back to NICU nursing or work as a nurse practitioner or whatever I want, but really doing a minimum of 2.5 years of additional schooling for something I'm not passionate about doesn't seem worth it or to just work the job I was working prior to wasting 2.5 years to get the extra degree doesn't make sense either.

So let's say I go along with the charade of wanting to become a nurse practitioner. Both my dad and sister think they know admission requirements to become a neonatal nurse practitioner when neither one a) is a neonatal nurse practitioner, b) have looked at admission criteria, or c) have a masters or doctorate degree. For every neonatal nurse practitioner program, I have looked into requires 1 year of working in a NICU before you can apply. Which makes complete sense if you have an understanding of how working in nursing departments work. Most nursing student when they graduate will find jobs in one of two areas (regardless of their desired field of work): a new grad program where they are able to specialize with approximately 4 months of additional training, or they will end up in what nurses call a med/surg unit (general hospital floor). If you are able to get into a new grad program then you are streamlined to your desired area of work. If you choose or have to take the med/surg approach, it takes around two years to be able to move up into a more acute setting, and if you want to go into an even more specialized area it can take even two more years after that to qualify for those areas.

So imagine you are a new grad, fresh out of college never worked a job as an RN in your life. You might not have even had one day in NICU in your clinical hours. You want to be a neonatal nurse practitioner but you don't even have a clue as to how a NICU works or if you can emotionally handle that job. No program is going to take a risk on someone who might not even fully have their heart devoted to NICU. It would be a waste of their time and resources.

I get it. You probably understand it now too. But for some reason my family cannot understand the fact that you simply have to have one year of experience in a field before you can get a degree in it.

I get that my dad is just pushing me to continue my education as far as I can take it. That or he secretly wishes I was a doctor, like everyone else seems to want to push me toward. I just don't see my heart in being a doctor or doing an additional 3 years of schooling. I don't know if I want the pressure to be a nurse practitioner to be gone or for the pressure to apply for the fall after graduation to be gone. Either way I just need some space to figure it out and for my family to consider what I want to do rather than what they think is best for me.

Done making promises

Clearly I fail at this whole blogging thing, but I only have two followers so I guess I'm not really letting a huge crowd down. I'm done making promises. I do not promise to write weekly, monthly or even one more post for the end of the year. I'm tired of breaking promises, so if I remember I have a blog then I'll write. If I don't remember or can't thinking of something to write about then I won't write. It's really that simple. I am ready to try and remember to write again, but again no promises.

Finally actual pictures.

So in the whole time i've had this blog i've never actually posted any pictures that i've taken from my actual camera, which is ironic because its called From Cameras to Care Plans. So without further anticipation, Here is some pictures I took today.  

This is Lisa, she's my person. If your familiar with Grey's Anatomy you should be familiar with  this term but for those of you who aren't: "person" can be related to best friend with a bit of a different connotation and the fact i have an aversion to the terminology best friend. Person is the perfect substitute. She graciously volunteered to let me take pictures of her. 

 If you are interested in having pictures taken, let me know. Right now I'm trying to build a bit of a portfolio, so there would be no charge. 

I have no idea what to write about

So this week was really crappy for resolutions. It also was my busiest and most emotional week, but those are still excuses.

January is pretty much over and this is the point where most people stop having fuel to do their resolutions. While my week was extremely terrible and i think i forgot to post in my blog last week (im not sure my weeks are a bit of a blurr) I did realize one thing: We're all going to mess up sometimes, the key is to not give up when you mess up. The key is to regather everything, get back up, and start going again.

I was going to give a count by count how my progress on resolutions went but that would be a long and boring post.

I have a really hard time coming up with topics to talk about so if you have ideas or want my thoughts on something please comment or message me.

I'll try to come up with a topic and post more about it later.

Stuck in a plateau.

I was going to justify why i didn't post exactly during "the week" but it doesn't really matter. I did try once tho but i felt like my life was to boring to post about and that it would be boring to write about. I could also make the excuse of how i've been working on other resolutions but really excuses are just excuses. they don't make progress they hold you back from things.

This past week I managed to workout 8 times plus additional "sports" time. I though i ate reasonably healthy. But when it all came down to it I gained a pound. I know weight is just a number and that it really shouldn't affect how i feel but it does. I'm not bothered by the number. I'm bothered by the fact i've put in so much effort and didn't see results on the scale. I know if it were to actually do measurements I'm sure i probably lost inches and i know my Biceps grew a noticeable amount this week. Quite a few people told me they've been proud of my dedication. Seriously it's awesome people are proud of me, but what if I'm not proud of myself? I've been in the same 10 pound fluctuation since i came to school in september. This is probably just a plateau but when you loose 50+ pounds in 3 months then stay at the same weight for 3 you just get tired of being there and want to go back to losing the weight.

I guess that's all i have for now guys. Until next time i guess i'll just keep eating healthy and working out and hoping it works out better next week.

New Year, New Promises

Okay, So i completely failed to continue my blog once I got to school. Somehow i think we all saw that coming. But this is a new year and with the new year comes resolutions. I'm pretty sure the only resolution i made last year was to loose 25 pounds. I'm happy to say I almost tripled that number by loosing 70 pounds in 2011. Those are 70 lbs I will never see again.
I believe there's some form of accountability in writing things out and putting it on the internet. Like once you put it out there people see it and ask you about it and so you have to keep yourself accountable to do it because people might ask you how it is going and you don't want to say well actually i haven't been keeping up with my new year resolution.

So here is my list of New Year's Resolution to complete in 2012:
1. Loose another 50 pounds.
2. Work out three times a week and eat healthy (no matter what).
3. Write a blog post once a week.
4. Learn how to play 6 new songs on guitar.
5. Take a Risk (do something i normally wouldn't do)
6. Tell people more when I love and appreciate them
7. Say Yes more than I say No
8. Procrastinate less
9. Get 8 hours of sleep at least 4 nights a week.
10. Clean my room and do laundry once a week
11. Run a 5k (even if it's on the treadmill and not an actual race)
12. Travel somewhere i've never been before.

I figured 12 was a good number. there's 12 months in a year. it's the year 2012 (twenty-twelve).  So i plan on keeping you updated and hope if you read this you will keep me accountable. So don't be afraid to ask me about my New Year resolutions when you see me and don't be afraid to call me out when i don't follow them. Wishing everyone a healthy and prosperous New Year.

Remembering the day that change America forever

Ten years ago a group of terrorist set out to change the America forever, they succeeded not in putting terror into every Americans heart but by causing a tremendous amount of nationalism. It's hard to believe that it has been ten years since September 11, 2001. I remember exactly what I did that day as if it was yesterday and my heart still shatters at the pictures of the burning towers. It's amazing to look back and see how much people came together and showed pride in their country. Flags were everywhere and everyone had pride in their country and many we're ready to go to war to pay back the lives we had lost on sad September day. It's amazing how God can show light through so much chaos. Now that 10 years have past many of those people who wanted to send off our troops now are against them. While you may not agree with having the troops overseas remember they are just doing their duty, we should support them in every way possible because if you're not willing to stand behind them feel free to stand in front of them. Today I hope people will take some time, whether it be an hour or even just a few minutes to stop and think about those who lost their lives on 9/11 and everyday since then fighting overseas. I hope people will always remember those lives so that they may not have been taken in vain. Heres to the civilians, the policemen, the firefighters, our service members, and their families who lost their lives due to the acts on 9/11 or in the war that there followed, you will never be forgotten. I am sad I never got the chance to see the twin towers in real life, it would have been something that i would have wanted to have seen. May God Bless America! Land of the free and Home of the brave! Red, White, and Blue: colors that never run!

While this picture is incredibly sad it's one that we can never forget because this moment is one that changed america forever.

This picture is iconic and I feel was crucial to the beginning of healing as a nation.

I know, I know....

Ok I'm not going to make any promises anymore, because obviously I have an inability to post every week.

Anyway...
thing that have consumed my time other than blogging:
quilting
Shark Week
Running
being forced to watch hours of TV as part of family bonding.


so lets start with the quilt. I decided last summer I wanted to make a quilt to use on my bed in college rather than the comforter I bought before my freshman year. So i bought fabric but never did anything with it as I had no time during the school year nor the space to do it. So halfway through this summer I decided I would do this and so most of my days the last few weeks and some nights have been filled with countless hours of sewing and redesigning and running to the fabric store when things don't turn out as planned. I still am not finished but I need to be by Monday so i can take it to a quilt shop and have it quilted.

Shark week. I watched two episodes last year and because I have been working on my quilt  I didn't have a chance to watch any episodes live(normal time) So i tivoed all of shark week I mean 40 hours of sharks. I have about 16 hours left to watch but i'm learning so much. Like for example the beaches I grew up going to is  25 miles from the Great White shark hot spot of North America. However there has only been 6 attacks in the beach area that I go to often none being deadly. I also learned that sharks have extra senses that allow them to feel changes in water like you splashing in the water, and that they have the ability to sense electrical impulses like your heart beating and maybe even muscle contractions. and theres a tribe in Africa that uses coconuts on a stick like a rattle to call sharks. It is all really intriguing if you get a chance watch it next year. But the saddest part of it is on average 4 people die from shark attacks globally and yet we kill 40 million in the same amount of time a lot of time just for their fins. It is one of the saddest things. We invade their space and a lot of time shark attacks are just a cause of mistaken identity. Did you know more people are killed by ostriches than sharks each year? yeah, I'm more scared of ostriches than sharks.

Running: I changed my running program because I just wasn't progressing fast enough to make a 5k in october so i found that a running store in my area had a training program for the 10 weeks before a 5k and that's exactly where I am so it was perfect. I have taken 1:40 off my mile in the last week. It's still slow but slow and ready wins the race? or at least finishes it. Oh and I finally bought a pair of real running shoes. It's amazing to have the right shoes to run in.

Forced TV bonding. It sounds bad. but it actually isn't I mean I probably won't stay caught up on these shows once I go back to school but its a way to spend time with my family and that's all that really matters isn't it?

Other things I have a new love for a website called pinterest where you pin things you like on the internet but i don't do a whole lot of pinning really i just look at other peoples pins and repin them but its so interesting the ideas you come up with to do things. It's definitely a creativity stimuli which makes me want to do 400 million projects that I won't have time to do starting two weeks from now. I also have been playing some video games, I guess there isn't much to say about that except i learned that if i'm tired and want to take a nap playing video games for the same amount of time has the same effect as a nap except i don't wake up with the groggy nap headache.

I think thats it for this post. I have a few ideas for another post so maybe another post later tonight or tomorrow, but don't hold your breath because we all know i'm bad at the consistency of blogginh

I'm Sorry.

I first have to start out with an apology. I'm sorry that I broke my promise about posting once a week. I got caught up with preparing to go to Europe, then didn't have internet in Europe and then completely forgot I had a blog afterwards. So from here on out I solemnly swear I will post once a week. 

Now that I got that out of the way, I know have to figure out what I want to talk about. Writing blogs are a lot harder than they sound. A couple topics pop into my head so i'm just going to go with one. 

So as I mentioned in my apology I went to Europe, I actually went on a cruise through the mediterranean. (I will blog about it, when Its not after midnight.) I met a girl on this cruise and we became friends. She posted a video of her playing the piano and singing. I don't know what it was about it but I just instantly wanted to know how to play the piano. I remember as a kid it seemed like everyone I knew had to learn to play the piano. But my parents never made me learn to play and now I regret it. I mentioned at the very beginning of my blog that I am trying to learn the guitar. It's easy for me to learn the chords but strumming seems to be really hard for some reason. I guess the other part of it is between school and all the other things i maybe practice one time a week for 20 minutes. So I need to make a commitment to practice more and maybe even take a few lessons if i'm serious about learning to play the guitar. But now i'm not sure that I really want to learn the guitar. I've always been intrigued by percussion, but I don't think I'm capable of doing one beat with my left hand, a different with my right and move my feet at the same time. I have looked into the cajon, its a percussion instrument that you sit on and play i don't really know that much about it other than it seems easy to play, google it if you want more information. But I really want to learn the piano, I found a really sick keyboard that lights up and teaches you how to play and you can upload song files to it to learn more songs. But the problem is I still haven't learned to play guitar so I feel like I need to learn one instrument before I try to learn another. If you have any information or suggestions on learning how to play an instrument, feel free to comment and give me input. Until then I'll keep attempting to play the guitar.

A Final Farewell

So in all my years of raising and showing livestock and rabbits, I rarely got attached to them. I cried over my first few animals which is kind of expected in junior livestock, but It was a rare occasion where I ended up crying when I sold my animals. There were a few exceptions Oliver, my first real "show steer", he was soft and had a lot of hair, but it wasn't his looks that made him different than all the others it was his demeanor. I had some pretty crazy steers, ones that needed to be shown will nose bugs, ones that kicked at you when you went into their pens, but Oliver wasn't like that he was like a giant teddy bear. I could walk up to him and pet him and comb him. When we we're at long shows I used to lay down in the shaving near his head and it would seem as though he was trying to hug me with his head. When I would show him he knew exactly where to place his legs so that I wouldn't have to move them but a little. He was the only steer that I won with. He won Reserve Supreme Champion at our county fair (second place out of all the steers.) I didn't cry when I put Oliver on the truck because I knew that was what he was raised for the whole time but a few days later the day that he was harvested I woke and just knew that it was the day and cried and was upset for days. One of my best friends had just left me forever, I guess somewhere between the countless hours I spent with him he stopped becoming a market project and became a pet. I will never forget him because he was the only steer that meant anything to me.

Now I'm sure Oliver's story seems pointless as it was in the past but I promise I will get to the point in the end.

I started raising rabbits because I had a teacher who saw an opportunity to get me to try something new. When I did and went to my first show after only a few weeks of practicing and beat everyone I was competing with who had been practicing for months, my teacher realized that showing rabbits came naturally to me. I bought a rabbit and unfortunately within a week she got out and my dog got to her. I got a pair of rabbits and the dog unfortunately got to another one, well we had a third rabbit and she unfortunately broke her spine. That's when we stopped naming the does Juliet (it's bad luck I swear don't name a pair of animals Romeo and Juliet). I got another rabbit and then we ended up with a bunch of rabbits people had bought as projects and then neglected. During my freshman year my teacher ended up leaving our school for personal reasons but I managed to stay in touch with her for sometime after wards. She gave me a  satin Doe and her daughter a doe that was only a month or two old. I ended up with a lot of rabbits but the Doe's daughter I think i originally named her Cutie Pie.( I wasn't really clever with names of rabbits) Satins are unbelievably soft and silky and come in many different colors. Actually most Satins shown in Santa Clara County junior livestock (4-H & FFA) originally came from my satins. I also somehow increased the amounts of rabbits shown in FFA in SCC. Anyway CP was my baby she would cuddle up under my chin at shows, she did really well show wise, and she was the perfect showmanship rabbit. Well she was the only rabbit I grew attached to. I made a decision I would never sell her. When I went to college I sold almost all my tack, and all my rabbits with the exception of CP, Muffin (californian I originally inherited), and Romeo (the first buck I got). I had kept Muffin and Romeo in the case that I wanted to show a meat pen in the future I would have rabbits. Romeo passed at some point while I was away at college, leaving just Muffin and CP. In my years at school my rabbits simply didn't get the care and loving as when I was home. Well, I went down to feed the animals at the barn yesterday (it was in the high 80s, thats hot for rabbits) and I see CP barely moving and I though heat exhaustion (common cause of death in rabbits over the summer) and misted her with cool water and wrapped her ears in wet cotton (I couldn't find a towel) I finished feeding and when she still didn't look better I took her into the house to cool her off. I realized that it wasn't heat exhaustion and that she has lost a lot of weight and wasn't eating and drinking. I put her on some towels and in a 4 hour period she hadn't pooped or peed. I knew she was coming to the end. I spent about an hour last night holding her and talking to her and pretty much saying my good-byes I made sure she was comfortable and left her. When I went to check on her this morning she had passed on as I had expected. While I never really planned on showing her again anyway and I hadn't really spent anytime with her in the recent times I've been back. I regret not spending more time with her recently and I now will never be able to just hold my soft silky friend and pet her and tell her amount what ever was upsetting me. She was the best comforter, I could cry and pet her and she would just listen.

I guess the point of this was just simply you may think that an animal is just there for one purpose and they nose their way into your heart. I guess also pet's are like members of your family sometimes and it can hurt to lose them. There are a lot of people who buy animals as a gift for someone only to neglect them later an animal is a big commitment and think before you buy. There's many animals who are in shelters that were neglected and now need a loving home, and remember to also support your local animal shelter. The Humane Society of the United States asks for a lot of donations but your local animal shelter rarely sees a penny of that money. Treat your pets with the respect they deserve.

So maybe it's not insomnia...

I always thought I had insomnia because I can't fall asleep at night from time to time, but I thought about it some more and realized that the reason I stay up is because I like it not because I'm not tired. There's something about being up all night and going to sleep as the sun is rising. So it's not a matter of insomnia it's a matter of me not fitting into society's perception of normal sleep patterns. I'm perfectly content staying up until the sun rises and sleep until noon. I guess it's a good thing I plan on working the night shift, since my brain already functions like this. Plus I have the hardest time waking up early in the morning no matter what time I go to sleep.

Raining in June

Yeah, you read the title right. It says June, as in the month where summer starts. The month you spend a ton of time outdoors putting on sunscreen and sitting by the pool or go to a waterpark. The one with the barbecues and picnics. Not here in Northern California, right now its the one with the rain and jackets and blankets and hot tea. I tried to get a picture of it raining but unfortunately I wasn't able to catch on but I did manage to capture some of the overcast skies.

This is our 200+ year old oak tree. Notice the lack of clear skies expected in June.

This is the view of the hills from our backyard. 

This is the view from the Front yard. Notice the huge dark rain cloud looming over.

While there's some benefits to rain such as we're no longer in a draught and the fact that I love rain in general. There's also a huge downside. I also love summer and the heat and all the summer related things. Plus all the rain is ruining the hay crops which causing it to be more expensive to own livestock. Hopefully there's a increase in heat soon or I will not know how to handle Arizona in august. 

Oh I probably should include these are not good examples of my photography as these we're taken off my iPhone and is no where near as good of quality as my camera.

Ramblings about Music and Faith.

It always amazes me when I see celebrities talk about their faith as if they we're just talking to someone in their small group. It's not too often you see this happen these days, especially when media is filled with sex, drugs, alcohol, cussing, and everything in between. I guess that might be why I listen to country more than pop, rap, or hip hop. Yeah country music talks about drinking, and there's some songs that if you read between the lines you can figure out what their leading to if you know what I mean. But country music goes where other genres don't. It talks about God, dying, love, small towns, dreams, and even talks about that boy that betrayed you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it shows a form of raw emotion that most other genres fail to include.

    The other day I was watching recent American Idol winner, Scotty McCreery's home visit and he just flat out said "I had a God moment." It amazed me as those are words I see coming out my own mouth along with many of my christian friends. He then went on to explain and I felt like I was in small group with him not watching him on youtube. Seeing celebrities express their faith and love for God, makes me want to support them more and actually pay to listen to their music even if it isn't  "christian" music. When their are celebrities who aren't afraid to share their faith to millions even if it can hurt their career, why should I be afraid to share the gospel to my non-christian friends.

    After realizing that I feel more likely to financially support artists who share their faith, i decided I shouldn't limit it to music and that i should be more aware of companies that are christian and buy more from them, or companies in general that have good values, or give to a good cause.

I saw this video after I originally posted this post, But this is what I'm talking about Celebrities not afraid too talk about faith.

5 pounds and 5ks

So after my last post I put some thought into it and decided I want to run a 5k. I looked into it and found one in October this gives me about 4 months to train for it and money goes towards women's cancer research, which is something that hits close to home. My late '"nanny" (grandmother) was a breast cancer survivor and cancer runs in my family. So I decided I would make this commitment for her and for myself.  For me to get up off the couch and do something this summer.

In addition to committing to a 5k, I started a new diet program last week. I wasn't going to blog about it because what if i don't end up succeeding but if I can't admit to it then how can i expect myself to live by it. It's not just another fad diet, it's one of those doctor supervised diet. Well, anyway I lost 5 pounds which a lot of it was probably water weight but pounds are pounds.

Until next time i'm just gonna keep running and counting my proteins and carbs.

Sitting Around in the Summer

As a nursing student, student leader, and just in general college aged girl my schedule during the school year was so fast paced and crammed with so many items to be done, that I rarely had a minute where I had nothing to do. So I decided when I got home I would sit back and relax for a while. But where does the sitting around end and the start making the most of my summer begin? I thought that maybe I would wait until it warmed up and started feeling like summer, but with the recent weather being cold and rainy, I'm starting wonder if it will ever warm up. Maybe I'll wait until everyone else is done with school for the summer, but wait I don't have many friends that are coming home this summer, so that won't work. I guess I need to find an initiative to get up and go and soon because i'm wasting my summer away.