Don't Plan, Wait on God's Timing

If you told me 6 months ago that in November I would still be unemployed, still be living with my parents, have only one friend (locally), have only lost 20 pounds, and have applied to 13 jobs only to be rejected on 5 of them or worse never get an answer, I wouldn’t of believed you. 6 months ago I had everything planned out. I was going to come home for the summer, lose a bunch of weight, travel to Europe, and go somewhere tropical. Then I was going to apply to a hospital in North Dakota and get a job and move there in September/October, where I would live with one of my best friends and probably freeze my butt off but at least I would be using my nursing skills, getting experience and would have friends. And that all probably would of happened if I had decided to move to Bismarck. However I got greedy, my dad bribed promised me if I found a job anywhere in California, he would at put a decent down payment on a house, which in California is a big deal because housing is overly expensive. So I agreed to get my license in California and naturally that took a long time, causing me to not be able to go to Europe during the summer and since I was traveling with my mom and she will can only travel business class to Europe it was too expensive. Then my Dad had some changes at work and couldn’t go anywhere tropical. I took my NCLEX in September and have taken ACLS and PALS classes to become a “better” job candidate. I have applied to 13 jobs and gotten no where. I told myself if I didn’t find a job by January, I would start applying in other states so I didn’t feel like I was settling.

Today one of my very wise friends posted on facebook saying 4 years ago she had this plan for her life, while now nothing is how she planned but it’s so much better and how she was thankful for God’s timing. This post really hit home naturally, because I’m a planner and in a moment where nothing is going as planned and I can’t see the great parts yet. Waiting for God’s timing is one of my biggest battles, maybe its because I’m in the generation now where everything needs to be instantaneous, or it might be because I have trust issues and waiting on God’s timing is having complete faith in his plan which leaves me a little scared as I’m not in control. But the thing is I shouldn’t be scared and shouldn’t have a problem giving God my complete faith, because however things work out is exactly how they are supposed be. God isn’t going to give you something if he doesn’t think you can handle it and his plans are much greater than any plan we can come up with, and unlike people on earth he isn’t going to hurt you nor do anything to break your trust.

I started this post feeling in despair because nothing is going the way I want it to, I am met daily by frustrations, feeling “homesick” in a way of missing my friends, and somewhat depressed by the fact I can’t find a job. In the end I feel more content and maybe a smidge hopeful partially because I vented. Here’s the thing though all great things take time to become amazing and Rome wasn’t built in a day. So I’m just going to have to learn to be faithful and patient and hopefully greatness will come to me soon. 

NCLEX news and some study tips!

So I haven’t posted in a while, but I have really good news. I passed my NCLEX and am officially a registered nurse. Some people gave me some really good advice and others asked me for some tips to pass it so I figured I would make a post out of it. Sorry in advance this is definitely a long post!

NCLEX study tips

• ·      Try and schedule your test at the part of the day you function best. For me this was a 2pm test 3 weeks out after getting my ATT, rather than waiting another week and taking it at 8 am (requiring me to get up at 5 in the morning). However, considering I am not a morning person at all the afternoon test was the best testing time. Another area of scheduling is to schedule your test the right amount out that you have time to study. I was initially concerned 3 weeks wouldn’t be enough time to study and it definitely was a couple weeks of intense studying but I think if I had done it later I would have gotten bored and procrastinated.
• ·      Make a playlist. Studying is boring and no fun. You would rather be at the beach or crafting, hanging out your friends or eating a sleeve of oreos and watching Netflix. But you will have to study so make a playlist. Make one that motivates you, that drives you, but one that isn’t so loud you can't focus. Maybe Classical music helps you stay focused and stimulate your brain, maybe it’s rap so you can make catchy raps to memorize lab values. For me it was mostly Radical Something songs, because every day before clinicals for all my blocks I listened to them and they calmed me down. Seriously ask the people I carpooled with, I didn’t care that I had to drive clinical mornings, I just had to put Radical Something on. But if you are one of the unfortunate people that can’t focus unless it’s 100% quiet, I’m sorry, but really you have an advantage at the actual test. 6 hours of silence is painful.
• ·      Make your drug cards in Nursing school and hold onto them. Actually just own the information the first time. But if you didn’t it’s okay. Just learn them now. You have to know Lithium levels, Digoxin levels, and Insulin peaks, durations, onsets, etc.
• ·      Make a plan. Don't just go with oh I’ll study this week some time. Actually schedule from this time to this time I’m going to do 50 questions. And find a way to be accountable. Cramming for NCLEX does not work.
• ·      Start in your weak areas. Spend more time on these areas. If you’re really strong in one area chances are you will still be strong in that area after you own the new information.
• ·      You will probably have a freak out moment. Or two. Or several. There will come a moment when you realize your 4 years of undergrad all comes down to this test. All your sleepless nights, all the parties you didn’t go to so you could complete assignments, all the friends you lost because nursing school consumed your social life, the scholarship position you gave up because it took up too much time in comparison to nursing school, the trips you didn’t take up, the Easter you didn’t celebrate because you didn’t want to risk not having enough practicum hours, all the blood, urine, sweat and tears you gave to nursing school, all lead up to this one test. This one test gets to define if you are a nurse or just have a nursing degree. It’s scary, you will flip out, but you also will get over it because this is what you sacrificed everything for. You fought through all the problems, you made all the sacrifices because you are meant to be a nurse.  So yes you will freak out but you will also pass your NCLEX. It may not be on the first try, but you will do it because you can do it, because you believed you could.
• ·      Do a lot of practice questions. Kaplan NCLEX review was required through our school program and the single advice everyone gave me was to do all the questions in the qbank and the question trainers. The more practice you have with NCLEX style questions the better, that way you wont get caught up on question wording.

On Test Day

• ·      Get enough sleep. This may be easier said then done as stress may be getting to the better of you but do the best you can. Use relaxation techniques to help relieve stress to help get enough sleep.

• ·      Don’t try and cram more information before you test. It’s okay to review lab values or look over something you think needs clarification, but don’t stress yourself out trying to fit in a full study session.
• ·      Get to your test center early. There’s nothing worse than adding extra stress to an already stressful process. And it’s very hard to re-center yourself when you’re rushing into the test center.

• ·      Probably the best advice someone gave me was to just really take your time on the first 75 questions. The rationale behind this is if you take your time and get enough questions right you won’t have to do all 265 questions.

• ·      The other advice I was given was to use breaks often or anytime you needed to re-center yourself. This advice didn’t work well for me because once I get in the testing mindset breaks keep me from being able to focus as well.

• ·      Just so you know when your test is over it goes to a black screen, don’t panic.

After your test

• ·      Someone told me to wait until I got home to do the Pearson trick to see if I passed. I couldn’t wait that long so I did it on my phone in the parking lot of the test center.
• ·      If you are not aware of the Pearson Vue Trick, you go back in and try to sign up for another test refilling in all the original information, if you get a pop-up that says sorry our records indicate you’ve already signed up for a test you supposedly passed, if it lets you sign up again you supposedly failed. But if you don’t get the pop-up don't panic, a lot of time people don’t get it and still pass.
• ·      If you’re state participates in the quick results system, do it. The peace of mind of knowing whether or not you passed is worth the $10 or so. If you’re state doesn’t participate like California, You will survive the 3 days to two weeks. Someone told me to wait 3 days before even checking the California website but My results showed up after 2 days so don’t be afraid to check it early.
• ·      Do some form of activity to keep your mind off of your results, for me that was watching a whole season of new girl.

Once you find out your results

·      If you passed, Congratulations! Now go out and celebrate! May the odds be ever in your favor to find a new grad job.

·      If you failed, I’m sorry but take a minutes to relax. Your life is not over, you are still meant to be a nurse. You wouldn’t of gone through 4 years of nursing school and made all the sacrifices if you weren’t meant to be a nurse. Take some time to study and retake it and don’t worry you aren’t the first nurse and you definitely won’t be the last to have not passed on your first try. After all it is the hardest test you will take in your nursing career.

So I hope this helped and if it didn’t I at least hope you enjoyed the memes.

And just because I love memes and I probably would still marry Ryan Lochte besides his intelligence deficiency.

A Day That Will Never Be Forgotten.

12 years ago, I was a fifth grader, only 10 years old. I was just an elementary student who was getting ready for school one morning when we got a phone call from my pop-pop in Pennsylvania. I remember knowing instantly something was wrong because my grandparents never called in the morning and at that moment as I was standing in my bathroom getting ready I thought that my grandmother might have died. It wasn't until several minutes later when my parents turned on the TV that I understood what was really happening. I remember making a joke that someone was mad at the stock exchange (I was a ten year old and one didn't understand it wasn't the same building nor did I understand was terrorism was, I still had that innocence that comes with childhood).  I went to school, our teacher had the radio on all day for updates. We had a fire drill at school and I remember we all were very scared because we didn't know if something was happening on the west coast. I went home and we continued to watch news coverage for weeks after that. I will never forget how sad I was for the people who lost their lives that day, because it is the same sadness I feel today.

When I was in High school, one of our assignments was to ask someone where they we're when they heard JFK had been assassinated. I asked my grandmother and she said she was  cleaning the curtains that day when she heard it on the radio. My mom and her brother were playing in the living room (i think one of them was sick). I know one day my child will ask me where I was when the twin towers fell, because they will never understand why every adult gets sentimental and hold their loved ones a little closer on September 11 every year. It's been said that memories and tied with strong emotions such as fear, love, joy, that is probably true. I was scared that day and sad and that it why i can remember such exact details of what happened that day.

There used to be a commercial, that said on September 11, 2001 a group of people set out to change America as it showed a neighborhood, it then would show whatever it was advertising and at the end it would say they did change America and show the neighborhood covered in Flags. The commercial is what I remember because it showed exactly what happened. We went out and bought flags put them anywhere we could find a place to put them. We came together as a nation to show our nationalism. The nationalism has faded as it often does, but i hope that doesn't stop people from remembering all the people who were lost that day.

As a photographer and traveler, I think I would have like the world trade center and part of me gets mad that I will never get to see those buildings. Then I remember that people lost their lives in those buildings, and feel selfish for being resentful because I didn't get to see them.

 almost 3000 people died as a result of 9/11 and 6700 people have died fighting since then. Close to 100,000 people have died as a result of the terror that occurred that day. I will never be able to thank all the military personnel and their families who have made sacrifices for keeping me safe. I will never be able to tell every single 9/11 survivor or the family of the victims that their friends and family members did not lose their lives in vain. But I can try and take time out of my day at least once a year to pray for them and remember their loved ones and to continue to support our military in any way that I can.

I found this picture on google. I do not own this picture. (came from www.sept11thememorial.com)

Finally an NCLEX date.

I mentioned in my last post, once I figured out what was going on with my authorization to take the NCLEX I would post an update so here it is. The NCLEX is the national council licensure examination, some people call it the boards. Either way it's the test I have to take to become an official nurse. It is the dividing line between saying "i have a bachelor's in nursing" and " i am a nurse."

I called the board this morning to get an update on what was going on an the evaluator told me she had put it in on Thursday which if I was smart and had checked my email over the weekend I would have know. But atlas I can not change the past, but that would have saved a lot of stress and anxiety plus given me a few more study days.

I will be taking my NCLEX on September 17 in the afternoon. Which is just 3 weeks away! I ended up going with this date because it was the only afternoon test appointment available in the next 2 months and anyone who knows me knows how bad I am at mornings, especially ones where I have to wake up earlier than 5. So I am in beast mode for studying.

Before my blog sabbatical, I had posted saying I knew I wanted to work in pediatrics or Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, which I am very much still open to, However I learned that Adult ICU is also a place I thrive. I was able to do my preceptorship in an adult cardiac ICU unit in phoenix and loved it. I definitely know ICU is where I want to end up working, however considering the job search in California for new graduates can take a year and a half especially in southern california where I want to work I will be happy to find any nursing job in a timely manner.

well after studying for several hours I'm off to bed so i can get up and go to the gym and study more tomorrow.

an attempt at revival

I decided to try and revive the blog one last time. I honestly think now that I no longer have to worry about assignments, clinicals, crazy roommates, or any of the other commitments I was tied down to in my last year of college, I should be able to keep up with a blog again. While I considered writing a book about Post Grad life I decided that it probably wouldn't sell any copies or even be published, so why not just talk about it in the blog I already have. 

So a brief catch in what has happened in my life in the past year...

I graduated cum laude (with honors) with my Bachelor's of Science in Nursing degree. I moved back home with my parents where I have no friends to hangout with (well I had an alcoholic/drug addict/ party girl as my friend for a couple weeks but that will be another post). If you read my older posts you would know that I lost 50 pounds two summers ago, I gained 15 pounds back the next school year and then lost it last summer. This last school year I gained all the weight back, however instead of resorting to appetite suppresents and low-carb low-calorie diet I decided to go with a Paleo diet with at least 3 days at the gym each week. That also deserves it own blog post. I am having some issues with my credits transferring to California to get my RN license in CA, which will also probably be a post once I figure out the results this week. 

That pretty much sums up my current life situation, I'm sure I will expand off of those and I have a few rants about a couple things in the back of my head. 

Grad school: To go, or not to go? That is the question!

Grad school has been the topic of discussion for most of this summer with my family. My Dad expects me to become a nurse practitioner. I usually act like that is what I want to do but honestly, I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I know I want to be a nurse I have not wavered from that decisions since I decided that was what I wanted to do my senior year of high school. I always had a pretty good idea that I wanted to do pediatrics but also liked the idea of doing labor and delivery. During my L&D rotation I figured out I only really liked the babies. My favorite clinical days involved the NICU and supporting parents going through rough times. My pediatric rotation was by far my favorite rotation. I remember my first day of clinicals, I was so excited I was like a kid in a candy store. I was assigned to the pediatric intensive care unit my first day. I was a little nervous at first, but as the day progressed I had a moment where I realized this was exactly what I was supposed to do. While I loved all of my pediatric rotations my day in ICU made me realize I have a need for adrenaline and giving parents emotional support. I love working with babies and Pediatric ICU you literally have kids of all ages. I have decided being a NICU nurse is my dream. I know there will be hard days but I also know there will be amazing days where I will know that it is exactly what I'm supposed to do.

But then there's this expectation of becoming a nurse practitioner, which is any where from 2.5 to 5 years of additional schooling. And my dad says it's always better to just get the degree and then I can go back to NICU nursing or work as a nurse practitioner or whatever I want, but really doing a minimum of 2.5 years of additional schooling for something I'm not passionate about doesn't seem worth it or to just work the job I was working prior to wasting 2.5 years to get the extra degree doesn't make sense either.

So let's say I go along with the charade of wanting to become a nurse practitioner. Both my dad and sister think they know admission requirements to become a neonatal nurse practitioner when neither one a) is a neonatal nurse practitioner, b) have looked at admission criteria, or c) have a masters or doctorate degree. For every neonatal nurse practitioner program, I have looked into requires 1 year of working in a NICU before you can apply. Which makes complete sense if you have an understanding of how working in nursing departments work. Most nursing student when they graduate will find jobs in one of two areas (regardless of their desired field of work): a new grad program where they are able to specialize with approximately 4 months of additional training, or they will end up in what nurses call a med/surg unit (general hospital floor). If you are able to get into a new grad program then you are streamlined to your desired area of work. If you choose or have to take the med/surg approach, it takes around two years to be able to move up into a more acute setting, and if you want to go into an even more specialized area it can take even two more years after that to qualify for those areas.

So imagine you are a new grad, fresh out of college never worked a job as an RN in your life. You might not have even had one day in NICU in your clinical hours. You want to be a neonatal nurse practitioner but you don't even have a clue as to how a NICU works or if you can emotionally handle that job. No program is going to take a risk on someone who might not even fully have their heart devoted to NICU. It would be a waste of their time and resources.

I get it. You probably understand it now too. But for some reason my family cannot understand the fact that you simply have to have one year of experience in a field before you can get a degree in it.

I get that my dad is just pushing me to continue my education as far as I can take it. That or he secretly wishes I was a doctor, like everyone else seems to want to push me toward. I just don't see my heart in being a doctor or doing an additional 3 years of schooling. I don't know if I want the pressure to be a nurse practitioner to be gone or for the pressure to apply for the fall after graduation to be gone. Either way I just need some space to figure it out and for my family to consider what I want to do rather than what they think is best for me.

Done making promises

Clearly I fail at this whole blogging thing, but I only have two followers so I guess I'm not really letting a huge crowd down. I'm done making promises. I do not promise to write weekly, monthly or even one more post for the end of the year. I'm tired of breaking promises, so if I remember I have a blog then I'll write. If I don't remember or can't thinking of something to write about then I won't write. It's really that simple. I am ready to try and remember to write again, but again no promises.